....What am I doing here?....

I have been reflecting on some things…so if you are interested, read on;

I remember in the mid-90’s praying about what God’s plan was for me. And I kept reading stories about how God spoke and 10 years later His promises happened….I felt God was speaking to me through that…but 10 YEARS!!!! But that would mean I would be like 30 years ANCIENT before I move into where God has spoken about. Oh 10 years seem like a long time to someone in their early 20’s. But now, as a 32 year old, I can look back and see His Word come to be. Back then I was so bound and crippled I could not have believed the truth God was speaking to me. This is not so say I think I have “arrived”, I am well aware of my imperfections and my distance from being like Jesus, but I am in a better place to see that my ministry or calling in life is not a destination to be reached and achieved; It is about dwelling in relationship with God and living from that relationship. During the past 15 years God has used me to minister to others, but I can also see it was a time of shaping, molding, cutting, squeezing and releasing me to be who I am today. It is Him who has transformed a shy girl who couldn’t look people in the eye, was very surprised if people remembered her name, hating what she saw in the mirror…to someone who is teaching and walking alongside other in discipleship and most importantly basing my identity in an unchanging God. And yet it is still only by the grace of God, how easy those feelings of old can return if I do not stand on what God tell me who I am.

Please do not make the mistake to think that being a missionary equates to some higher level of spiritual whatever. Some of the worst decisions turning from God have been while I have been in ‘full-time ministry’. The same struggles are faced; stretching to discipline myself to read the Word and pray, finding the words to share my faith with others; troubles in relationships with others (ohhh man, try to imagine living with many diverse people from many nations and backgrounds and try and agree on how to wash the dishes, let alone minister together.), stress of finances etc. Those are just the surface things, inner struggles continue to battle inside, contradicting God and His Word. But in the ups and down in my life one thing stays constant…God.

I first came across Isaiah 61 in 2002 during a YWAM school in Hawaii. Immediately I sensed that this chapter was my calling. The first three verses are well-known by many, but I was struck by the whole chapter. During that time my ministry focus was Indigenous People and I could see how much these words spoke into the destruction and sorrow felt by many of the indigenous peoples around the world. Now God has been “stretching my tent pegs” to see my mission field in broader light. And this chapter has taken on more relevance for me. What awesome promises are written there. Through Jesus’ death and life, God has given us the power to be proclaiming freedom, release from darkness, bringing His healing so they can be “called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”
Here is where my latest revelation comes in; “Then THEY will rebuild…renew…”

I have struggled with what I imagined (or experienced) others expected of me as a missionary. When I was first getting ready to leave to Canada (working with the First Nations there) I had approached the missions department of my churches denomination to ask if they had work in Canada. They literally laughed in my face. They said the mission field was Africa or Asia…not Canada. I guess that went deeper than I thought because that little voice has stayed in my head. Finally I am coming to a place where I see that the best place to be is the place God wants you. And for now He has called me to Europe, to be a discipler and teacher of primarily Christians to see them set free, and released into greater relationship with God. “Because the LORD has anointed me…and… they will be called oaks of righteousness…they will rebuild…restore…renew.”
I believe that I also will rebuild, restore, renew and so on as well. But God has given me a great peace in knowing HE has called me to where I am and what I am doing, and that is the best place to be.

You need to be where God is calling you…if that is at home, working….then that is AWESOME!!! God wants the people you work with that He loves them. If you feel a calling to somewhere and you are not there….then why are you not there??? Of course His timing needs to be followed, but if you are waiting for the perfect circumstances, maximum savings in the bank, to be a better Christian before leaving…..there will be ALWAYS be something to stop you…A ship need to be moving for it to be turned, so take that first step in obedience and see how faithful God is.

Isaiah 61 (NIV)

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.
5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.
8 "For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed."
10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.